Brian's Memorial, Sept 10, 2022

 

The memorial service for Brian  was Saturday Sept 10th , it was a beautiful and fitting celebration of his life. He put as much consideration, thought and love into the memorial he wanted as he did everything he did. It was lovely meeting his family, especially Alicia, whose warmth, grace and sense of humor reminded me of Brian's. I've thought a lot recently about the conversations Brian and I had over the years on a wide variety of topics, from the sublime to the ridiculous. I remember a discussion about context and linguistics where I cited some of the more interesting things I'd heard from southern relatives growing up. The shifting meanings of the phrase "bless your heart" based on the situation, and the mysteries of my Grandmother Alta hollering "Do I need to come over there and yank a knot in somebody's tail?" come to mind. Brian's response to the latter was- "It doesn't matter what it means, it pretty clear it's best not to find out". It's hard to believe there won't be any more of those conversations. They were as wonderful over the phone from thousands of miles away as over lunch at the Mass Street Deli, where we had our first conversation about music in 1990.In the late 90's Tupac took another phrase I'd heard, "I ain't mad at ya"  changed it slightly and gave it a slightly darker meaning. When I heard the phrase growing up, it was a response to an unexpected situation which came as a pleasant surprise, with an element of admiration for it's execution.  Big Maybelle laid it best out in her definitive performance using the phrase 40 years before Tupac put his spin on it. Big Maybelle and Brian had a couple of things in common, brilliant, unforgettable smiles, and both left the world sooner than those who loved them felt they should have. I can't count the number of unexpected surprises  or occasions where I was impressed by Brian's way of doing things, his kindness and generosity of spirit. What I can do is do my best to take what I gained from knowing him forward. Especially everything I learned about listening being done with the heart vs. simply hearing words with the ears. I'm sure taking the love he gave freely forward is what he wants everyone who loved him to do.  This clip from the 1958 Newport Jazz Festival is for you, Brian, you are loved and missed.